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 Ten Reasons Why Iraqi Kurdistan Will Never Become an Independent Country

 Opinion — Analysis    
  The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author


Ten Reasons Why Iraqi Kurdistan Will Never Become an Independent Country  18.7.2011
Inside the Other Iraq: Exclusive Columns by Mariwan Salihi for

July 18, 2011

ERBIL-Hewlęr, Kurdistan region 'Iraq', — Ten Reasons Why Iraqi Kurdistan Will Never Become an Independent Country:

*1) Because we don't have McDonald's and Burger King, only "Madonal" and "Burger Queen." Unfortunately (we are not unhappy though), the Sulaimaniyah-based Madonal closed for business "for mysterious reasons." Gosh, what could have been the reason?!?!

*2) We will, but only when Tibet announces its independence from China first! Ironically, they also have "no friends but the mountains." Though, not like our regular mountains, but the world's highest!

*3) We cheer for Spain's Real Madrid and FC Barcelona              

Mariwan Salihi
more than we support our own local teams (although Erbil SC and Duhok FC are among the best teams in Iraq's Premier League, plus they participate at the Asian AFC Cup this year).

*4) The IQ results of 30 Kurds combined, are nearly as high as that of Paris Hilton. Or was it a 'technical mistake' from the Ministry of Education?!

*5) We are too busy becoming the 'next Istanbul' (instead of the promised 'next Dubai').

*6) Because we are too confused about our real identity: "Are we originally Aryans (Hitler's perfect race) or are we related to Jews (the results from a 2001 study – prepared by scientists from Israel, Germany and India - revealed that Jews and Kurds share the same DNA)?" It's a difficult choice to make! Perhaps we can be both…

*7) Because we're cowards: Iranian and Turkish artillery bomb our border villages regularly, but all we do is run, and cry like babies, asking our federal government in Baghdad for help (we only do that when we are in deep SHiT,
www.ekurd.netbut otherwise we are acting like an independent state)! That said, we still hate Iraq, but we love Turkey and Iran! Don't we, Kaka's?

*8) Our infrastructure is a little bit better than Somalia. A ten-story "skyscraper" is built in 12 years (a year for each story, and the remaining two years for naming it. We like 'Italyan Tawar' – but sorry, we can't spell, either!).

*9) We're eating so many Kebabs from Abu Shahab that we're not thinking about independence anytime soon. We're actually waiting for the chay (tea) to arrive!

*10) Inshalla, we will become independent; but not as Kurdistan. Our 'dear neighbors' in the north will choose the name: "The Turkish Republic of Northern Iraq." Why not, today there are almost as many Turks as Kurds living in our region. We might just leave as refugees to Europe (actually, we have to swim across the Mediterranean first, and hope we don't drown, dressed with baggy sharwal pants), and give them our land for their new nation.

Mariwan F. Salihi, is a Netherlands national, a freelance journalist covering Iraqi and other Middle Eastern issues, and regular contributing writer. You may reach the author via email at: [email protected]   

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  The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author


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