Ten Reasons Why Iraqi Kurdistan Will Never
Become an Independent Country
Inside the Other Iraq: Exclusive
Columns by Mariwan Salihi
Kurdistan region 'Iraq', — Ten Reasons Why Iraqi
Kurdistan Will Never Become an Independent Country:
*1) Because we don't have McDonald's and Burger
King, only "Madonal" and "Burger Queen."
Unfortunately (we are not unhappy though), the
Sulaimaniyah-based Madonal closed for business "for
mysterious reasons." Gosh, what could have been the
*2) We will, but only when Tibet announces its
independence from China first! Ironically, they also
have "no friends but the mountains." Though, not
like our regular mountains, but the world's highest!
*3) We cheer for Spain's Real Madrid and FC
more than we support our
own local teams (although Erbil SC and Duhok FC are
among the best teams in Iraq's Premier League, plus
they participate at the Asian AFC Cup this year).
*4) The IQ results of 30 Kurds combined, are nearly
as high as that of Paris Hilton. Or was it a
'technical mistake' from the Ministry of Education?!
*5) We are too busy becoming the 'next Istanbul'
(instead of the promised 'next Dubai').
*6) Because we are too confused about our real
identity: "Are we originally Aryans (Hitler's
perfect race) or are we related to Jews (the results
from a 2001 study – prepared by scientists from
Israel, Germany and India - revealed that Jews and
Kurds share the same DNA)?" It's a difficult choice
to make! Perhaps we can be both…
*7) Because we're cowards: Iranian and Turkish
artillery bomb our border villages regularly, but
all we do is run, and cry like babies, asking our
federal government in Baghdad for help (we only do
that when we are in deep SHiT,www.ekurd.netbut
otherwise we are acting like an independent state)!
That said, we still hate Iraq, but we love Turkey
and Iran! Don't we, Kaka's?
*8) Our infrastructure is a little bit better than
Somalia. A ten-story "skyscraper" is built in 12
years (a year for each story, and the remaining two
years for naming it. We like 'Italyan Tawar' – but
sorry, we can't spell, either!).
*9) We're eating so many Kebabs from Abu Shahab that
we're not thinking about independence anytime soon.
We're actually waiting for the chay (tea) to arrive!
*10) Inshalla, we will become independent; but not
as Kurdistan. Our 'dear neighbors' in the north will
choose the name: "The Turkish Republic of Northern
Iraq." Why not, today there are almost as many Turks
as Kurds living in our region. We might just leave
as refugees to Europe (actually, we have to swim
across the Mediterranean first, and hope we don't
drown, dressed with baggy sharwal pants), and give
them our land for their new nation.
F. Salihi, is a Netherlands
national, a freelance journalist covering Iraqi
and other Middle Eastern issues, and
regular eKurd.net contributing writer. You may reach the author via email at:
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